I’m a busy bee

I haven’t had the internet since Friday because I moved, and I’m still trying to unpack and make things cozy so this will be short.

1. Moving is much more expensive than I thought it would be.  Endless fucking money pit.
2. Wally seems to have developed separation anxiety from the ordeal.  It’s both sad AND a giant pain in my ass.
3. I was warned that thy neighbor is a creep who likes to walk in the house uninvited/unannounced.  Stun gun is ready & waiting.
4. I really do have a pain in my ass.  The left butt cheek, which seems to go all the way down my leg to the knee.  Sciatica?
5. Pictures soon.  (Of the house, not the butt cheek.)
6. Boyfriend is cute.  Unrelated, but had to be said.

All I worship and adore

For a week now, “Fly Me to the Moon” has been playing in my head nonstop.   Not complaining.

Good communication is the key to strong relationships

I love talking to Stranger when she’s just waking up because the conversations are always so interesting. Here are two examples.

Text from me: hey, sorry I’m running late, my friends Bill and Veronica stopped by.
Text from Stranger: How did you know??
Me: [so confused] Uh, they knocked on my door?
Stranger: OMG. I had a dream that they stopped by! That’s what I thought you were talking about!

One night I was in the office late and I told her I’d say hi after I left. I got done around midnight and called her sleepy ass up. “mmm hi….oh my god is it NOON already???” I just laughed and laughed until she figured it out.

Moving

Guess who is moving into a three bedroom, one bathroom house with her dog and cat and NO ONE ELSE on March 1st?  Oh, what a glorious day it will be.  Reasons why this is fantastic (in no particular order):

1. Peace & Quiet.
2. Hour away from the sister & nephews, so it will be far enough away and close enough at the same time.
3. Uninterrupted sexy times with Grumpypants.   If he plays his cards right.
4. A fenced in yard for my Walzipan to run in.

Hilarity:  All I have furniture wise is a bed, a desk, computer, dresser and TV.  There will be so little furniture that I’ll be comforted by my own echo when I’m lonely.

Colts/Jets

Grumpypants and I like the same football teams.  It isn’t a requirement in our relationship, but it is nice.

The Colts are my #1.  I love them, I am loyal to them.  However, I was happy when the Jets won against the Colts this season, even though it was the first loss for the team.  So, as every other Colt fan cried about resting the players and putting an end to the winning streak & run for perfection, I was feeling good that the Jets had an opportunity for the playoffs, and looook what happened!  They knocked off THE CHARGERS, aka Colt Kryptonite. The sad part is.. now they are set to play against each other next Sunday.  I’m not sure how to feel about this.

Look, I want the Colts to win.  BUT, if they lose to the Jets?  Fine.  I’d rather lose to them than any other team.  And if the Colts win?  I admit, a part of me will be sad.

I work a long day on Sunday so I’ll miss the game.  Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

Nonsensical New Year

I rang in 2010 cleaning up cat vomit and narrowly escaping a disastrous battle of kitty diarrhea vs carpet.  Molly is sick with what appears to be a flu bug of some kind and I noticed she was acting funny and meowing in a desperate way and caught her just in time, moments before she was going to crap all over my nephews shoes.  She always uses the litter box, always, so I can only assume that her feeling awful and the urgency of things made her want to relieve herself there, but as I said, we escaped a major fiasco.  I shooed her away and knowing that she’d follow me, I made my way to the bathroom where the litter box is and sat with her to make sure she’d use it, and holy hell did she ever.   It was.. boisterous.  Poor thing.

There aren’t any New Years resolutions here to speak of, except that I’m going to give myself a break and not worry about the content & quality of the blogging and maybe blog more as a result.  Before I would be tempted to write about my cat taking a boisterous crap but I wouldn’t do it because that would be crazy.  Now, however, I think it still is crazy, but so what?  It is what it is.  Molly is riding the rough and stormy seas of an upset stomach and I’ll document it if I want to.  Take that.

In other news, I’ve been in a movie watching frenzy.  Avatar, The Blind Side, Night at the Museum 2, Inglourious Basterds, and Precious all within 3 days.  I would never make it as a film critic because I’m easily entertained when it comes to movies.  It’s hard for me to watch a movie and think it is awful and deem it unwatchable.  The few movies to make my unwatchable list in my nearly 30 years of life:  …. Waterworld?  That movie with Tom Green and the ejaculating elephant?  See, there aren’t many.

I would like to say this about Precious – I cried so many tears.  It’s like someone said, “Let’s make a movie about a character with a hard life and make it worse”, and then they thought, “You know what?  That isn’t enough.  Let’s make this story so sad it’s almost unbearable!”   Seriously, everything bad that you can possibly think of happens to this poor girl and it will break.  your.  heart.

I win again. Allow me to rub it in.

We had this conversation via text & email today…

Grumpypants:  I bought some moustache wax online!
Me:  Baby?  They have it in the shaving section at CVS and Walgreens.
G:  What??  I just ordered it through Amazon!  Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things??
M:  Link.
G:  Uhm, that’s EXACTLY what I got.
M:  Razor aisle!
G:  SHUT Yo MOUTH!

This is worse than being sick

I’ve had a terrible cold for a week or so, and it keeps getting worse. “Go to the doctor,” she says. “No,” I says.

“At least get some Mucinex.”
“No, water is the best decongestant.”
“So put the Mucinex in some water.”
“Shut up.”

I eventually went to the doctor. Sinus infection. Antibiotics. “Anything else, doctor?” “Yeah, take some Mucinex, too.”

I’m not going to tell her about this. Ever.

Mars/Venus

Mr Grumpypants and I were watching that Crying Wife video and we got into a little misunderstanding.

Mr G: Hey, can I confess something?

S: Of course!

I expect him to tell me about how he would hold me and be very sweet to me when I cry like that in front of him, even if the movie or reason why I’m a weepy mess is stupid. I was bracing myself for a sweet, loving confession and then he says…

Mr G: I keep thinking she’d make a lot of noise during sex.

Not what I was expecting. After an intense interrogation and a little waterboarding he answers all of the questions the right way: NO, he does not find her attractive, and NO, he was not imagining having sex with her. I am satisfied, so we move on and I say…

When I was watching that, I wondered how she even made it through the wedding ceremony.

We’re totally on the same page.

Put a ring on it

If you ever wondered what the Earth would look like if it had rings like Saturn, this video is pretty awesome at demonstrating the view from space and from various cities around the world.